Over the last number of years I have ministered to thousands of parents. I have found that the parents who have had the most problems with their children are single parents or women whose husbands are not involved in the parenting of their children. We have many children today that no longer have a dad. Even though they may have a biological father, they don't have that daddy to spend time with them and train them up to fulfil their potential. The majority of kids that are on the streets engaged in crime are kids without fathers. I believe that most of us would agree that children need a father, but not just one who is only a breadwinner.

Traditionally women have taken care of the kids and the men have gone out to earn the bread and butter. I don't believe this is scriptural. I don't believe it's the heart of our heavenly Father that men shouldn't be involved in raising their children. I would go further and say that fathers must not only be involved in raising their children, but also involved in training them. "And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."(Eph.6: 4)

Even in our churches women do most of the ministry to the children and infants. Yet the experts tell us that it is essential for a child to receive nurturing and training from both sexes. Some fathers do make some attempt to direct their children. Often it's done in a legalistic way coupled with yelling and threatening them if they don't shape up. This is the danger of provoking our children to wrath. When I teach on Ephesians 6:4. I tell the fathers the following, "Don't go up to your child when they upset you by their behavior and say, `What's wrong with you boy? Are you never going to learn? You carry on like this and you will never amount to anything.' If you do that you will put them under a curse. Say to them, `Hey! Mighty man of God. Awesome champion. Mighty warrior; Stop behaving like a monkey.' Why? because sometimes our kids behave like monkeys. So we need to remind them who they are in Christ and what an awesome call God has upon their life."

When dad comes home he often gets wrapped up in the newspaper or the ball game on TV So if his kids start playing up it's easier for him to yell at them, rather than stop what he is doing and sow some quality discipline into their lives. Most kids don't like the word discipline, as they view it as a negative word, because to them it means punishment. If this is true, then we fathers are to blame. Usually discipline is the last resort we turn to after we have lost our temper. But discipline comes from the word disciple. It is not a negative, but a positive word. Discipline should not be something we dislike to do and our children hate to receive. Rather it should be a positive action which we enjoy doing and our children are open to receive. "If Jesus told us to go into all the world and make disciples, then what's wrong with starting with our own children?

Say to your child when he or she breaks the rules or misbehaves, "Come here my child, you disobeyed me. I need to discipline you. I am not angry, I am not punishing you, but I am training you. I love you very much and I want God's best for you. So please bend over while I use God's rod of correction on your bottom. Then smile and look happy and peaceful while you train and correct your child. Children want control and if they can push our button and make us mad then that gives them a sense of power over us. "I know how to make my dad mad." If we keep our cool and show them love even during the spanking times, we will win them over and they will respect and love us. God knew what he was doing when he ordained Fathers to train up their children and He created the rod of correction for them to use.

Never strike your children with your hand; otherwise they will see it as a weapon that is liable to strike out at them at anytime. Let them be fearful of God's rod. As children learn to love and respect their parents so they will also learn to love and respect God. If they have a good relationship with their earthly Father, assuming he is godly, then they will develop a good relationship with their heavenly Father.

"Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." (Eph 6:1) I tell children to obey their parents, not because their parents are wonderful and perfect, for no one has perfect parents, but to obey them for the Lord's sake. I also tell the children, if they want a happy and a long life, then they must honor their parents. If they don't, they may have a miserable life and not live very long. "Honor your father and mother which is the first commandant with promise: that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth." (Eph.6: 2)

I have found that to be effective in helping fathers to be fathers, I need to train them with their children and wives present. In my seminars I have the whole family involved. Unfortunately there are still a few fathers who don't see it necessary for them to attend. They are either working, or they have gone fishing or hunting.

In the Christian periodical, "New Man" the focus is primarily about men, but many of the issues we need to address today include the whole family. There is in our day and culture a destruction of the family. I believe it is a satanic agenda to steal our children. Jesus mentions the thief in John 10:10 who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I have said it many times that Satan is a kidnapper. If he can capture the hearts of our children, it won't be long before he also has their bodies.

Fathers! Spend time with your daughters. Take them out on dates. Affirm how special and beautiful they are. Remind them of God's call and destiny on their lives. Reach their hearts with the love of God. If you succeed in doing that, you will not lose them to the first goofy guy that satan tries to put in their path. Most children are looking for love and acceptance. If they don't receive it from their parents, then they will try to seek it from their peers. With so many bad role models in our society today, our children are being exposed to grave moral danger. This is why it is of utmost importance to invest our time and resources into our children's spiritual and moral welfare.

While your children live under your roof and you feed, clothe, and house them; they are under your authority regardless of their age. I have seen too many wimpy fathers who say, "I can't make my son come to church now, because he is sixteen. I can't stop my daughter from doing what she wants, because she is a teenager. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old {come of age or independent} he will not depart from it." (Prov.22: 6) If we stop giving our children choices when they are young and teach them godly values and we put into action Prov.22: 6., then our children will be trained up in the way they should go, (which is God's way). This will cause them to learn to make the right choices as they get older. Don't just rely on a Christian education to keep them on the straight and narrow, but realize that they need to know God and not just know about Him. It is easy for children to learn their Bible lessons merely to fulfil a requirement. If that's the case, when they get older they will trash it all for the pleasures of this world. Attend a church where children and youth are taken seriously and are not just entertained, but are trained. Take them to a church where they can serve and minister at a young age and don't have to wait until they are old before anyone will take them seriously, or allow them to do anything.

I have told children that God wants to use them and they don't have to wait until they are adults. I have seen God use children and youth in remarkable ways. They have prayed and prophesied over people, evangelized, gone on mission trips, healed the sick, cast out demons, and had visitations from the Lord. They have great potential. God usually sees more in our children than we do.